Today has been brought to you by the letters "W" "T" "F" and the number "0"
As in "Wtf why am I getting zero action?!"
This is the sentence uttered by the multitudes of those who have been friend zoned.
And don't deny it, I know you have been there too, why? Because everyone has.
The person you pine for is amazing, definitely has their flaws, but you are enchanted with them anyways. You watch them repeatedly fall for people who treat them like crap, you listen to them complain about it, hoping that maybe someday they will realize how amazing you are, and THEY NEVER FREAKING DO!
I reiterate my Letters of the day...
WHAT THE FRIGGING FUCK?!?!
Are these people blind?
What bothers me the most about this, is what if while you have been friend zoned, are you unknowingly friend zoning someone else? Is it a vicious cycle? Or is it a conscious action of "Yeah that person is nice and all, but I only dig assholes/bitches." Its mind boggling, especially when you and your 'buddy' are comfortable enough to do the whole friendly flirting thing, that just allows yourself to fool yourself into thinking maybe it will eventually lead into more, and it never fucking does.
They aren't even leading you on, your leading yourself on, and you can't fucking stop.
Its like CANCER!
Only Universal!
Fucking Plague!
Endemic... no PANdemic!
World-wide Stupidity!
PERPETUAL MASTUBATION!
Thats all it leads to.
But lets attempt to take a proactive approach to this...
If we harnessed the power of the Friend Zone we could have endless energy, self perpetuating energy! It would be Green! As green with envy as you are over your friend's latest and greatest in the stream of jerks they date! It would burn clean because your pride, dignity, and self-esteem produce no emissions! Well, other than bitterness, self-pity, and emo-whinery shenanigans.... But those can be used to stimulate the Economy... Imagine the effect that the rise in booze, ice cream, junk food, gym memberships, and self-help book purchases would have! Fuck the friendzome has the potential to fix our nation, but due to its nasty little accomplices resignation and apathy, its benefits will never be known outside of the hypothetical... Much like your romantic relationship with whoever it is you whine and pine about on 4chan!
Because I'm Bored and I Can.
Thats Why.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Shut the Whiny Bitch Up With a Good Dose of Fuck Yeah!
You know that whole cliche about a depressed girl sitting in front of a sappy chick flick with a tub of Ben and Jerry's?
Yeah, I demolish that stereotype.
I suggest other girls do the same.
When you are feeling all girly-fucked over some asshole who dumped you with little to no reason, or your friends are all shitty-catty-bitches who don't give a shit unless they want something, if your feeling ugly and unwanted, or perhaps you have nothing to do on a Saturday night. Instead of heading over to Walmart for that pint of fat that goes to your waist and makes you feel worse and before you reach for that Jane Austen movie that makes you feel like you'll never get your Knight in Shining Armor...
Watch a Tarantino Film!
Guy Richie is a good direction as well.
There is nothing better than brutal violence, dark humor, and bad endings for everyone but the underdog to make you feel better!
Seriously! If your having issues with Catty back-stabbing friends, watch Reservoir Dogs! (Everybody dies brutally)
Need some girl power? Watch Smokin Aces! (Two hooker sisters kick some major ass)
You can just kick back, munch on something less fattening, and imagine that everybody who dies is someone you hate!
It will bring a feral grin to your face and turn your tears of self-pity to tears of joy as all the bad guys in a Guy Richie movie die and the poor suckers that nothing has gone right for end up on top!
Tarantino's dark sense of humor, and even darker messages, will lift you up into a cynical high that will allow you to do something down right snarky to those bitches faces! You will have a surge of pessimistic-deranged power to strike a trully crippling blow to that asshole that cheated on you!
Its fantastic!
And even if you don't suffer from any of the above, the movies those two guys produce are fan-fucking-tastic anyways! Great for movie nights with friends, or for snuggling up with that special someone (surprisingly). They are all-around damn fine movies. Albeit, they can be incredibly disturbing, but once you watch one or two of them, you get pretty desensitized to the whole "Holy Shit they accidentally blew his head off and the ensuing situation is Fucking Hilarious! Why the fuck is this funny?!?!" These movies totally bring out the 'cynic who laughs at everyone else's misfortune' in everyone!
Because I am Bored and I Can.
Thats Why.
Yeah, I demolish that stereotype.
I suggest other girls do the same.
When you are feeling all girly-fucked over some asshole who dumped you with little to no reason, or your friends are all shitty-catty-bitches who don't give a shit unless they want something, if your feeling ugly and unwanted, or perhaps you have nothing to do on a Saturday night. Instead of heading over to Walmart for that pint of fat that goes to your waist and makes you feel worse and before you reach for that Jane Austen movie that makes you feel like you'll never get your Knight in Shining Armor...
Watch a Tarantino Film!
Guy Richie is a good direction as well.
There is nothing better than brutal violence, dark humor, and bad endings for everyone but the underdog to make you feel better!
Seriously! If your having issues with Catty back-stabbing friends, watch Reservoir Dogs! (Everybody dies brutally)
Need some girl power? Watch Smokin Aces! (Two hooker sisters kick some major ass)
You can just kick back, munch on something less fattening, and imagine that everybody who dies is someone you hate!
It will bring a feral grin to your face and turn your tears of self-pity to tears of joy as all the bad guys in a Guy Richie movie die and the poor suckers that nothing has gone right for end up on top!
Tarantino's dark sense of humor, and even darker messages, will lift you up into a cynical high that will allow you to do something down right snarky to those bitches faces! You will have a surge of pessimistic-deranged power to strike a trully crippling blow to that asshole that cheated on you!
Its fantastic!
And even if you don't suffer from any of the above, the movies those two guys produce are fan-fucking-tastic anyways! Great for movie nights with friends, or for snuggling up with that special someone (surprisingly). They are all-around damn fine movies. Albeit, they can be incredibly disturbing, but once you watch one or two of them, you get pretty desensitized to the whole "Holy Shit they accidentally blew his head off and the ensuing situation is Fucking Hilarious! Why the fuck is this funny?!?!" These movies totally bring out the 'cynic who laughs at everyone else's misfortune' in everyone!
Because I am Bored and I Can.
Thats Why.
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